@SchantzLaw: Facebook is pretty much the Wal-Mart of the internet.
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@causticbob: "Must you lick the knife?" "Sorry,force of habit" I said "Loads of people do it though, don't they?" "Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor"
@hythemafia: Man goes to a Doctor. "Every time I attempt to pass water it hurts" "Does it burn?" "I don't know, I've never tried to set fire to it"
@KentWGraham: All it takes is a “food dreadful, service poor” Yelp review to get your mother-in-law to stop inviting you to Sunday dinner.
@SortaBad: Workin hard. Putting my nose to the grindstone. Grinding away that nose. Barely any nose left now. Whole face messed up. Due for a promotion