@SchantzLaw: Facebook is pretty much the Wal-Mart of the internet.
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@trainwreck1000: General Contractor: Don't worry ma'am, everything will be ready, we'll have the scaffolding set up and erected. Me: *mutes phone* hahahahaha
@alexwyse: Since it's impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I've decided to have an ongoing crisis.
@jenniferfralic: Everyone at my funeral gets a stun gun. The last person standing gets all my stuff.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: *opens door* Yes? Him: Hi. Can I have a minute of your time to talk to you about The Lord? Me: ..Of The Rings? Him: Uh No.. *door slam*