@LindaInDisguise: Facebook is the biggest whistle-blower of them all, telling people I saw their messages.
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@vikkaroni: Job interview HR: What's your best asset? Me: I have an excellent memory. HR: Give me an example. Me: Of what?
@steveolivas: If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?
@Treememories: Why do the models on the catwalks always look so angry? I would have been very happy to get paid to just walk around in fancy clothes.
@fro_vo: "Hey Cyclops are you still dating Jean?" "No Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..." *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*