@LindaInDisguise: Facebook is the biggest whistle-blower of them all, telling people I saw their messages.
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@gerryhallcomedy: My french toast just surrendered to my german sausage. Breakfast is weird at my house.
@blakeshelton: I'm so drunk right now I just walked into Canadian customs and shouted "Why y'all checkin' me?! Ur the ones with a pot leaf on your flag!!"
@RidiculousSheri: "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Pizza" "My new boyfriend who? "No. Pizza" "My future husband who?" "No." "Playing hard to get who?"