@Tylerosis: Facebook is where you'll find people sharing screenshots of sarcastic tweets and commenting "stupid".
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@noog: World: Hey check out this sport we made called football. America: *sips beer* Check out this other sport I just made called football.
@pizzajaynow: Can someone help me figure out how much water I need to add to this baby powder in order to make a baby?
@TheMichaelRock: Kinda rude of my neighbors to be burning leaves before I had a chance to blow mine into their yard.
@mattingebretson: I saw a woman crying on a park bench so I sat down and hugged her and whispered "please stop stealing my spotlight"