@Tylerosis: Facebook is where you'll find people sharing screenshots of sarcastic tweets and commenting "stupid".
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@markleggett: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.
@ojedge: "Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me." *shakes tambourine* "Got any others?" *shakes tambourine* "Sounds a lot like the last one"
@Storminika: I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way
@dafloydsta: ME: I'm dead inside. THERAPIST: How does that make you feel? ME: Dead inside. Jesus, is this your first fuckin day?