@KizerBillhelm: Make librarians cry by calling it a "Book Museum" while taking pictures with your iPad.

@GuttaLikeNoOtha: My son: Mommy I can't wait to grow up and be a man. Me: Don't be silly son, you can't do both

@CheryeDavis: If you insist on changing someone, do it without their knowledge....Like by poisoning their food.

@AndyAsAdjective: Uncle Frank's will stipulates he be cremated & his ashes added to the vegetable water sprayers at the local grocery store. He will be mist.

@BeagirlNJ: Maybe, just once, someone will call me ma'am without adding, "You're making a scene"