@stevezorz: Facebook now tags fake news stories from sites like The Onion with #satire to protect users who lack 1st grade critical thinking skills.
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@KizerBillhelm: Make librarians cry by calling it a "Book Museum" while taking pictures with your iPad.
@GuttaLikeNoOtha: My son: Mommy I can't wait to grow up and be a man. Me: Don't be silly son, you can't do both
@CheryeDavis: If you insist on changing someone, do it without their knowledge....Like by poisoning their food.
@AndyAsAdjective: Uncle Frank's will stipulates he be cremated & his ashes added to the vegetable water sprayers at the local grocery store. He will be mist.