@stevezorz: Facebook now tags fake news stories from sites like The Onion with #satire to protect users who lack 1st grade critical thinking skills.
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@goldengateblond: LIFE HACK: Make your waist feel dramatically smaller by accidentally trying on maternity pants.
@OhReallyRach: If cupids didnt have wings, theyd just be fat little baby assassins with crossbows.
@LoveNLunchmeat: If you don't count the six chocolate chip cookies or the two dead bodies, my diet's going pretty well today.
@amishschool: This guy in my office is a little paranoid and it's making it that much harder to poison him.