@stevezorz: Facebook now tags fake news stories from sites like The Onion with #satire to protect users who lack 1st grade critical thinking skills.
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@Sassafrantz: [date] Me: Are you a serial killer? You have to tell me if you are. Him: That's a cop. Me: Changing the subject, just like a serial killer
@shariv67: I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death.
@KyleMcDowell86: My mom told me not to cry wolf, but it was too late.Wolves were pouring out of my tear ducts, filling the kitchen and adjoining living room.