@araslanian_: facebook remains undefeated LMFAOOOOO
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@ElleOhHell: I'm sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You're gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn't crash.
@Sadieisonfire: I learned how to count cards so I could hustle idiot 4 year olds out of their juice box when we play Go Fish
@GoldenSpirals: My new washing machine plays a tune very similar to an ice cream truck when it's finished. There's no ice cream in there. I checked. Twice.
@CovertAgentP: Don't buy drinks from children on the side of the road. The money never really goes to aid for lemons.