@kwirkyKerri: Facebook tells me those vans are dangerous, but Twitter says they have candy. So conflicted.
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@clarkekant: I wish everyone would stop vaccinating their children. It’s really cutting down these lines at Disneyland!
@MumsieEsq: When your 3yo spits a chewed up wad of cheese into your hand and you're like "where did you find this, I didn't give you any cheese today?"
@itshotterhere: Apparently, if you jump out of a plane wearing parachute pants, it doesn't break your fall at all. But you can carry about a hundred combs.
@AllyBallyBeal: Are you alone? Afraid? Lonely? Then you'd better turn up the TV because I just heard a noise