@kwirkyKerri: Facebook tells me those vans are dangerous, but Twitter says they have candy. So conflicted.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SteveSuckington: If a serial killer commits suicide, you can console his family by saying, "hey, at least he died doing what he loved"
@MrsTomServo: Guy cut me off & I shouted, "you are unable to pleasure your wife. OR HUSBAND." Cause he needs to know I'm angry, yet progressive.
@trevso_electric: I don't have bumper stickers because I don't believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
@neerjagurnani: Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I'm affordable" instead of "I'm adorable". Stop embarrassing me.