@kwirkyKerri: Facebook tells me those vans are dangerous, but Twitter says they have candy. So conflicted.
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@KevinFarzad: Following politics is fun cuz it combines the entertainment of reality TV with the thrill of possibly dying in real life
@LackOfShame: [Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together
@gogglepossum: [Alien monster is levelling Toronto] CANADAMAN: Excuse me, sir, SIR, could you stop please? SIR?