@zachreinert03: Fact: if you drop a penny from a skyscraper it can kill someone on the street? It's true, I'm still glad I went with a bowling ball though
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@sarcasticmommy4: One of the greatest gifts my kids have given me is my high tolerance for alcohol.
@causticbob: I went for a job interview. The bloke asked, "Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?" "Same as now - in photos and mirrors," I replied
@AlexRogaski: Michael Cera forgets to do laundry and has to wear a doctor costume to the hospital. He's too shy to refuse people and performs 3 surgeries.
@UNTRESOR: I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.