@LaetPO: Fail-proof diet: cut sugar, fats, pasta, alcohol, bread and wrists.
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@LeonEarlgrey: So embarrassing when you compliment a lady on her large belly and it turns out she's just pregnant.
@Mike_Bianchi: Gurl are you Quantum Mechanics 'cause you got 10 different interpretations of everything, none of which fully corresponds with reality.
@WritePlay: *dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger
@onion_an: Guy: [pulls out knife] Me: But I'm allergic to stainless steel Guy: [stabs me] Me: Noooo I'll get a rash