@KarenKilgariff: FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
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@hazelmotes1: Golf, except there's no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
@KevinBuffalo: Honey, I gained weight to prevent women from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.
@NikkiNeverAgain: Was told I can't use Wi-Fi at McDonald's unless I eat. So I am bringing a peanut butter sandwich.