@KarenKilgariff: FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
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@thentherewasmo: Renee Zellweger is living proof that if you keep making that face it's going to be stuck that way forever
@truegritrumble: PERSONAL TRAINER: How's your nutrition? ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.
@Alex_N_Chains: I had my appendix taken out as a child. They said it was useless, but based on my life since then, I'm guessing it controls motivation.
@VancityReynolds: People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.