@sunexplode: Falling coconuts kill more people than falling sharks.
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@causticbob: I found a cure for my debilitating cancer. I dumped her and started to see a capricorn instead.
@KindOfASmartass: It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you've slept with
@margolundy: Life dull? Add 'or die trying' to every statement. "I'm gonna pick up milk on the way home OR DIE TRYING." Instant excitement.