@DickScurvy: Family vacation is when you listen to your kids cry someplace expensive.
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@jordan_stratton: [Walks up to stranger] Me: "Excuse me, would you take my picture?" Him: "Sure." Me: "Great!" [I hand him a beautiful 5x7 portrait of me]
@NicestHippo: [Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?
@trevorthehuman: Turns out "pick the biggest one & punch him in the face" gets you more respect as a new prisoner than as a new 1st grade substitute teacher.
@KevinFarzad: This man recorded his son every day for a decade. The footage is breathtaking and takes 10 years to watch.