@DickScurvy: Family vacation is when you listen to your kids cry someplace expensive.
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@gerryhallcomedy: When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don't tell them you need it by a certain date.
@TheHyyyype: 16yo [talking w friend]: fam that's lit af, tell bae and the squad that it's on fleek PARENT: *calls 911* i think my kid's having a seizure
@ilovepie84: I bet when David Hasselhoff gets too drunk he roams the streets screaming "KITT!" When he can't find his car.
@Rollinintheseat: The most valuable lesson I learned from Hey Arnold is that it's okay to punch mouth breathers in the face.