@DickScurvy: Family vacation is when you listen to your kids cry someplace expensive.
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@GrantTanaka: Man buns are just the beginning, next thing you know it’ll be ok for men to have anything on their heads, like a goat or a small child
@_mindflakes: Me: Siri how much moss is it safe to eat Siri: I wasn't built for this Me: Siri, the moss Siri: Please let me go back to the phone factory
@TheCatWhisprer: Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts
@shariv67: The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that's all you really need.