@JasonLastname: Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow
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@Tmoney68: Me: I can't get this star on top of the Christmas tree without a ladder, without dumping it over & ruining it. Whiskey: Yes you can.
@tastefactory: Young mom: My baby is 34 months Me: Oh really I'm 407 months yeah I hope you like doing math you piece of shit
@Julescoop: The real power of a man... Is the size of the smile on his woman's face sitting next to him.
@jonnysun: im like a onion. peel back the layers and u'll see that deep down inside im just a smaller more afraid onion