@TheCiscoKidder: Farts are like children. The only ones that I like are my own.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: watching my cats groom each other and it feels like I should be throwing money at them
@Shock_Monster: It's been clinically proven that the most effective form of birth control I can use is: "Just be myself."
@EndhooS: Wife: He's always rewriting the past.. Therapist: is this true? Me: [doesn't hear because I'm typing 'Shrek killed Hitler' into Wikipedia]
@Lisa_Laughs_: fortune cookie- You will not die alone but with many many cat... cat: LOL THAT'S SO YOU!