@shawnspree: Father's Day is the day my wife gets on all fours and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her. I usually lay back and use her as an ottoman.
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@daemonic3: [superfriends lunch] BATMAN: There's an underwater nuclear threat SUPERMAN: Aquaman, go! AQUAMAN: [stares at watch] Gotta wait 30 minutes
@Tommytoughstuff: [Meeting] *Gestures to pie chart* "Now as you can see this chart is not nearly as delicious as it sounds."
@Underchilde: I know I should be searching for my missing friend, but there’s a lot of food in his apartment that’ll spoil if I don’t eat it.