@Weird_Rash: Feeling pretty tough lately and thinking about joining a gang. Any of you guys need an accountant?
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@LikeABaus91: Red bull gives you crippling heart palpitations just doesn't have the same ring to it.
@sunexplode: Keep your longtime co-workers guessing and questioning their self-worth by forgetting their names.
@philyuck: Dominos dropped the “pizza” from its name because they’re not legally allowed to call that pizza.
@Storminika: Cops got new drunk driving tests. There's one they pull out a wallet-size photo of Whoopi Goldberg & ask you, 'Is she attractive?'