@Ms612: Fellas, if she asks you to sign life insurance policies on the way to your honeymoon, you're probably not making it out alive.
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@DurtMcHurtt: Wow, the guy buried alive with weed in his pocket must be rolling in his grave right now.
@AimeeHelene1: Would I miss my leg or my arm more? (me, lying in bed, deciding which to put outside the blanket for the monster under the bed to rip off)
@deadstick_ron: [Dog office] Dog 1: excuse me this is my desk - I pissed on it so.. Dog 2: I just pissed higher on it D1: son of a D2: SON OF A WHAT, DAVID?
@delusions_of: I wish when someone called me my phone had an "Accept", "Decline" and "Send Electric Shock" option.