@SteveAmiri: Fifty Shades of Grey was disappointing. All those blindfolds and not a single person swung at a piñata.
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@KentWGraham: Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we’re regretting that decision.
@theevilwriter: Getting married lost its appeal as soon as I figured out that acquiring a maid of honor wasn't going to get my floors washed.
@5hael: [David Attenborough narrating my life] Once again the young offspring attempts to leave the nest. Once again he has flown into a wall
@Northside_Mike: Saw a big girl wearing really short, shredded denim shorts. I'm going to assume those were jeans before she hulked out.