@ScottLinnen: Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are.
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@Beatonm5: driverless cars???? I don't trust autocorrect to pick the correct word let alone let a car just drive me .... by itself
@shkeeber: Friend: What happened? 15yo me: *arm in a sling* Got hit by 2 buses. Friend: What happened? 37yo me: *in a full body cast* I sneezed weird.
@hangin_out: During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
@_little_old_me: My eyesight is so bad that, after I took my contacts out last night, I chatted to my cat for 5 mins before I realised it was my handbag.