@AGStr8upNinja: Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that's not your Ferrari?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@funflaps: Drug dealer: What do you want? Me: Please give me 17 of your finest *checks note on hand* marriage o'wannas
@JoParkerBear: Everyone you meet is going through some kind of struggle, and they also have something to teach you, so do NOT make eye contact.
@ThaJawn: (Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER
@GingerHotDish: "You made your bed now lay in it" doesn't really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed. And other 5am thoughts