@AGStr8upNinja: Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that's not your Ferrari?
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@furbyburglar: I never scrape my back window so when I back out of parking spots I let Jesus decide if I'm gonna kill anyone
@rolldiggity: 1. Sit in stall of a crowded bathroom. 2. Whisper, "Oh no, not again..." 3. Slowly pour a large bucket of milk onto the floor.
@Schmoodles: I can never remember if it's "laying" or "lying." Anyway, I hit a dude with my car and he's doing one of them in the middle of the road. :(
@flashember: [Excavation for dino bones] DIGGER: Sir, we found something BIG! DOG PALEONTOLOGIST: *tail wags* Ok go for break [salivating] I'll finish up