@NotthatAdamWest: Finding Nemo 2? I swear, if that kid gets lost again Finding Nemo 3 better be where child services locks the dad up for extreme negligence.
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@lisaxy424: When the party host collects everyone's coats and throws them on their bed, I just stay in mine and take a nap among the jackets.
@Midgetspar: On a scale from 1 to 10 I tell people they're an 11. It's a fun way to let them know they don't exist and they take it as a compliment.
@JeffSarcastic: [dinner negotiations] Wife: where do you want to go to eat? Me: ugh Wife: Me: you pick Wife: I'm craving kale Me: I'll pick
@Scdavis24: Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren't your pants. Give them back to your sister.