@Ray_stephan: Finding out your ex has a bad life is like finding 100 $ in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
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@markleggett: I don't like it when a pretty girl with glasses takes them off, and her eyes were actually painted onto the inside of the lenses.
@BlackCatBettie: "Just so you know, you're coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
@QwertyJones3: I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.