@murrman5: "fine! leave me because I talk like I'm in a novel but you aren't taking the kids, he exclaimed"
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@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday.
@yaboydil: Guess who I ran into today, Billy. "Who, dad?" Your dog, son. I hit your dog with the car.
@LuvPug: It's like the people who drive Smart cars don't even realize that other cars are an option.