@lazerdoov: Don't ask a pregnant lady "do you know the sex?" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot
@fatherofcomedy: I threw caution to the wind.caution is my little brother.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle.
@girl_a_whirl: I've reprogrammed my FitBit to allow for more me time. And by reprogram, I mean I've attached it to the leg of a deer.
I was born to run.
@d_duhwit: Judge:"Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half
Worm Mom 1:"Sure
Worm Mom 2 :"Ya do it.
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