@williamwanton: *fingers myself with giant foam Sharknado 2 finger
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@behindyourback: *falls down a well* *Lassie runs to the edge and peers down* *me, yelling* TELL NO ONE, YOU BLABBERMOUTH DOG, I LIVE HERE NOW
@FannyB1tch: Was glancing through the Obituaries this morning and found it really creepy that all these people managed to die in alphabetical order.
@joejwest: [traffic jam] MAN: [rolls down window] Dude, why? ME: [in the next car holding a rabbit as it repeatedly kicks the horn] It's his birthday
@hippieswordfish: robber: give me the money! *points gun at cashier* cashier: wait thats just a blow dryer nervous snowman patron: please just do as he says!