@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] Soldier: tell my wife- Me: dude I'm already giving messages for 3 guys. Just wait until she dies & tell yourself

@BindzBrain: The last 3 minutes of any podcast could all be confessions to murder and we'd never know

@SortaBad: Manny Pacquiao says he would accept a rematch with Floyd Mayweather. "Yes, I will allow you to pay me another $100 million," he told sources

@shutupmikeginn: A trailer in a movie theater ended with "November 20th" and a guy loudly said, "thats my birthday" and a random guy said "happy birthday"

@GrantTanaka: [cuddling w/ 5 yr old son] I hope he wants to do this forever [25 yrs later] this has lost its charm