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@ClichedOut: [first date]
HER: i'm super close to my dad
ME: *trying to impress* you're grounded
@david_tull: *purposely chooses network with most dropped calls*
@GrumpyComments: Batman walks into a Wayne Enterprise meeting and starts talking stocks. He realises he forgot to change. He drops a gas pellet and runs out.
@JohnnyNami: "If someone wanted to murder you, a night light wouldn't stop them"
I will never lie to my future children.
@ADHDeanASL: My hobby is removing unnecessary apostrophes from business signs in the dead of night
@Underchilde: You think you’re not capable of violence, but then a bird sings at 6AM and you start researching surface-to-air missiles.