@fro_vo: [first date]
ME: so which movie do you think will win the oscar
DATE: Get Out
@NotOnTheMoors: There's a section of my fridge/freezer devoted to ageing things I bought because the free sample in the supermarket was quite tasty.
@stephpaulus: Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor's house is genius.
@frankzulla: I still remember taking down that bullying 12 year old on the playground like it was yesterday. My Dad was so proud. Ah, to be 30 again!
@ArfMeasures: ME [groggily regains consciousness] what happened?
DOCTOR: You did a wheelie [replaces pen lid] on a unicycle
@GrantTanaka: astronauts be acting like they’re so cool, as if we didn’t know at least 60 dogs and monkeys went to space before them