@WilliamAder: First person to build a clock had no idea how long it took.
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@shkeeber: Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family.
@KalvinMacleod: ALIEN: take me to ur leader ME: ok [later at zoo] A: wtf M: a lemur A: I said leader M: well ur ship is so loud I couldn’t hear a damn thing
@Mike_Bianchi: To save money, instead of going to the club, I just get drunk at home and yell "what?" into a mirror over and over.