@truegritrumble: FIRST PERSON TO USE AN IRON: This battle hammer does wonders for my enemies' shirts!
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@Beatonm5: Soon as I finish untangling these earphones I'm goin to google who made them & I'm going to ask them to invent shoelaces that tie themselves
@Prof_Hinkley: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Off duty cop: No *cop gets so close their mustaches interlock like velcro* You're driving great, pal