@NotChuckBarkley: First white Muslims in Boston, now a 7'0" gay black pro athlete. Narrow-minded conservatives everywhere are having a very confusing month.
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@ClickBaite: [Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot.
@Iwriteforcats: Son: Dad, you work so hard and never get any credit. You're like a superhero! Dad: Nice try. You're still not getting the Internet password.
@Neauxpe: The last time I wore a red shirt, I went to Target and laid off 8 people in the morning team huddle.