@wolfpupy: first you light 100 candles, then you fall asleep. this 'burn your house down' spell works every time
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@onion_an: Wife: He keeps his friend close so he doesn't lose him Therapist: Not a bad thing Me [yawns and a bee flies from my mouth]: Come back Alan
@kimtopher22: Optimism [op-tuh-miz-uh m] noun Brushing your teeth before bed, knowing damn well you have a 1/2 sleeve of Thin Mints on your nightstand.
@pan_opt_icon: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: Besides that.
@dragonsorbet: An 80's style montage of me and a dog learning to use chopsticks, and the dog progressing marginally faster