@jwoodham: FITNESS TIP: Stretching is important. Stretch out flat on your back. Stretch your eyelids over your eyes. Stretch a blanket over your body.
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@wizdom: A real boyfriend will blow up his girl's phone when she's mad at him. She may not want to answer, but at least she'll see his effort.
@Lani_Hayden: Is amazed how I go to bed with normal hair and wake up looking like a beat up version of medusa. Am I fighting crime in my sleep? Wtf.
@shkeeber: Him: I'm tolerant of the gay lifestyle. A neighbor of mine was gay. Me: Thanks. I'm tolerant of yours too. A neighbor of mine was an idiot.
@Tommytoughstuff: "DOUG YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT!" [camera pans to me struggling with Doug for his name tag]