@jwoodham: FITNESS TIP: Stretching is important. Stretch out flat on your back. Stretch your eyelids over your eyes. Stretch a blanket over your body.
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@TheAlexNevil: I’m teaching my son to say “Please,” and “Thank you,” and “Come with me if you want to live.”
@QwertyJones3: BUILDING INSPECTOR: This building is not structurally sound ARCHITECT: why BUILDING INSPECTOR: Well first of all it's made of paper ARCHITECT: Yeah construction paper!
@Just_Lee_: Romantic subtweets are like watching a couple kissing in a restaurant. We're all very happy for you but it still makes us want to vomit.