@FredPollack: Flirting is a way of life, the moment you stop is when you're dead ... then your spouse cleans the gun and places it in your hand.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Happy 18th birthday, millennium! Now that you’re an adult, please stop acting like an angsty teen and lashing out at us like we’re your parents.
@travisauruss: MAN TO LIZARD: "SO I HEAR YOU'RE IN FLOORING SALES" LIZARD: "IM MORE IN PROMOTION" MAN: "WHAT DO YOU DO" LIZARD: "I REP TILE"