@FredPollack: Flirting is a way of life, the moment you stop is when you're dead ... then your spouse cleans the gun and places it in your hand.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Apparently saying, "Oh, I just came to watch" makes everyone else uncomfortable in the Pilates class.
@hunz74: 16 Y.O. employee: "There's a dirty diaper outside. What do I do with it?" Me: "Is there a live baby in it?" Him: "No." Me: "Throw it away."
@DaddyJew: My first day as a cat burglar, Victim: you know you don't actually have to dress up like a cat when you do this Me: *hisses