@FredPollack: Flirting is a way of life, the moment you stop is when you're dead ... then your spouse cleans the gun and places it in your hand.
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@smithsara79: You don't really know true fear until you're headed to work to teach at a middle school after you tried cutting your own bangs
@sixfootcandy: Mom always said to wear clean underwear in case I got hit by a bus and I'm like "they wouldn't be clean anyway mom!"
@NicestHippo: *runs into restaurant* IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR? "I'm a doctor" Nice. Nice. Can you buy me dinner I'm very poor