@OutOnTheMoors: FLOTUS is an unfortunate acronym, like something left in the toilet bowl.
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@PhilJamesson: A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly. [I scramble to take off my full-body fly costume]
@VerifiedDrunk: If evolution were real you'd think my body would've learned how to be drunk on its own by now.
@DzNutz83: Your honor, if you watch the tape in reverse you can clearly see the officer planting the evidence in my vehicle.
@neonwario: I excuse myself to the washroom before I order You walk in and see me, leaning towards the mirror repeating "I'll have the hamburger please"