@OutOnTheMoors: FLOTUS is an unfortunate acronym, like something left in the toilet bowl.
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@Izianikapani: Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what are your future plans? Me: lunch Interviewer: I meant long term plans Me: what, like dinner?
@CrazyExhaustion: 5yo: What's a cannibal? Me: A person that eats another person. 5yo's eyes widen in horror. Me: You said cannonball, didn't ya?
@TimmyPumpkin: dorothy: WET TSHIRT CONTEST! wicked witch: NOOOOOOOOO! tin man: worst spring break ever.