@rcromwell4: Follow me on Pinterest for seasonal craft ideas and spells for summoning ancient demons.
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@TheRolo: Jesus: Welcome to my summer party [Jesus puts finger in the pool and turns it into wine] Apostles: awwww YEAHHHH Judas: Merlot? Seriously???
@SaraESpivey: When my ex worked out of town, he would take my vibrators away from me. Said I was cheating on him w/them. He shoulda taken his brother too.
@thebeckyard: Me: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your house! Olive Garden server: Please stop! I'll bring more cheese to grate!
@Storminika: I asked a blonde friend to check if my blinker was working, her reply was 'Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not.'