@rcromwell4: Follow me on Pinterest for seasonal craft ideas and spells for summoning ancient demons.
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@ThaJawn: 911: What's your emergency? Me: Someone is eating pineapple on pizza! 911: That's- Me: PUT THE PIZZA DOWN, KAREN! THE COPS ARE ON THEIR WAY!
@yoyoha: If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.
@VodkaThursday: Kid wants to sit at table, isn't tall enough Me: WHERE ARE ALL THE PHONEBOOKS?! Him: U threw them out saying, who the hell uses phone books?