@bridger_w: For a moment I thought it was Saturday, but then I realized it's actually Sunday. The good news is now I have a story to tell at parties
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@WilliamRodgers: FUN FACT: Bears hibernate in the winter just to get away from Christmas music...
@abbycohenwl: Banker: You're sure you want a reverse mortgage & get how it works? Me(imagines bank making huge unaffordable payments to me for years): Yes
@Peauxtassium: This guy keeps buying me drinks and talking to me as if I’ll go home with him just because we're married
@2tickytacky: I marched in a high school band, caught an armed robber, and sold girl scout cookies. All I was trying to do was find my car.