@kumailn: For #BackToTheFutureDay try and get your mom to hit on you.
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@Lisa_Laughs_: Me: I can't work today. Boss: Why? M: My grandma died. B: Our grandmas died 20 yrs ago. M: ... -Why working for your brother is a bad idea.
@markleggett: Whenever a woman tells me that she just wants to have a good time and sleep with me, I say "You can only pick one."
@rebrafsim: Dracula: I vant to suck your blood Me: well technically, no -- you don't suck what you're drinking. You want to suck my NECK Dracula: vhoa