@Leemanish: FOR CHRISSAKES, GARY - WE JUST ROBBED A DAMN BANK! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TEACH YOUR NIECE HOW TO DRIVE!
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@SharkJelly: Friend: Will we be hearing the patter of tiny feet soon? Me: *grabbing her arm too hard* You know about my squirell army
@dlockw21: 11: Dad, what's your spirit animal? Mine's a tiger. Me: Remember that chubby mouse named Gus in the baby-tee from Cinderella? 11: ...
@Sultani_Sails: Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun.
@irreligiousorg: You don't see faith healers in hospitals for the same reason you don't see psychics winning the lottery.