@RexHuppke: For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
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@ItsAndyRyan: PIG: "I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon" PSYCHIATRIST: "I'll cure you" PIG: "Oh God, not you too"
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm a really big cat person ME: *leans in really close* You don't look anything like a cat
@ThisOneSayz: Unless you have stellar reflexes, throwing a bouncy ball at your spouse during an argument is not the best choice.