@MomOfTeen: For such a picky eater, I'm certainly not a picky weight gainer.
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@WilliamAder: Me: Haven't shaved for two days. Do I look like McDreamy? Wife: You look like McHomeless.
@tbhjuststop: actors kiss each other for like 10 seasons and don't fall in love but when someone holds the door for me i think about it for like 5 months
@_TayTayJustine: Every time you reply to a text from your ex, Taylor Swift completes another album. Don't be an enabler. Drop the phone.
@Cheeseboy22: Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."