@Black__Elvis: For years I thought that my wife was repulsed by me but as it turns out she just doesn't put out on the first marriage.
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@OfficeofSteve: Ben-Hur was actually called, Fast & The Furious: Jerusalem Drift, but the name didn't catch on like they had hoped
@The_MartiniGirl: I love when people tell me to get my act together and I'm like who the hell is acting geez.
@FrakkingAwesome: The trick to free lunches is to tell your friend "you get this one, I'll get the next 1" and then never see them again and make new friends.
@thefurlinator: if you're havin girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and they're all bottles of beer on the wall