@MeetYourDaddy: Forget waterboarding. You want confessions? Lock the guy in a room with a laptop, a Twitter account and a bottle of whiskey.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GreenishDuck: Next time you're having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they're trying to do a push-up.
@DanMentos: what’s your pitch? "so this guy steals from the rich…" ok "and gives to the poor” nice. what’s his name? "Robin…" haha I love it "Hood" wait
@TheSeanBrewster: I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought "oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"
@seamussaid: whenever the police put a mannequin in a squad car to slow traffic, I strategically place mannequins around town committing crimes