@ryaninco: Forgive me Twitter for I have sinned, it's been twenty minutes since my last Tweet.
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@NonCombosMentos: *calls hotel front desk* "Hi is the stuff in the mini bar free?" No sir, you will be billed for any- "Someone robbed my mini bar"
@RdrJay47: [Calls Ex-Girlfriend] Remember all those hair-ties and Bobby pins you lost? Well, I found all 5,000 while moving.
@palokin: Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman's skin without sounding like I want to wear it