@TheAlexP: Forgot to turn on the grill, burgers been on there for half an hour, I know cause the tv show I like's over & nothing's on fire.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: I dont know why people are disappointed when they find out a celebrity crush is married.As if that was their only obstacle to being together
@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
@stephpaulus: Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor's house is genius.