@TheAlexP: Forgot to turn on the grill, burgers been on there for half an hour, I know cause the tv show I like's over & nothing's on fire.
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@pharmasean: Macklemore was pretty far ahead of me in terms of self-awareness. When I was in the third grade I literally thought I might be a thundercat.
@JeremyKCMO: I'm opening a bar called The Office. You're welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I'm at The Office"
@Breadery: My ex got engaged at Christmas but apparently responding to the news with "LOL" is "a representation of everything that is wrong with me."
@Matt_The_1st: "What's wrong with our country?" OBAMA! "Who are we going to reelect in 2012?" OBAMA!