@TheAlexP: Forgot to turn on the grill, burgers been on there for half an hour, I know cause the tv show I like's over & nothing's on fire.
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@reTICKulous: *pulls out earbud* What? "We need to talk." *pulls out earbud* "You've been spending too much time at Chernobyl." *pulls out earbud* No way
@bammersacat: What did you ladies trade with the devil so that you’re able to French braid your own hair?
@jaelteon: interviewer: do you have any experience in a leadership role? me: well, I am the group admin for a WhatsApp group
@DatManGood: My kid: "I want the new iPad like my friends, everyone has them" Me: "And I want to vacation in Hawaii..disappointing day all around huh?"