@TheAlexP: Forgot to turn on the grill, burgers been on there for half an hour, I know cause the tv show I like's over & nothing's on fire.
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@MrGeorgeWallace: I run a gambling ring where we throw humidifiers and dehumidifiers into a pit and let 'em fight that shit out.
@perrypotters: Things I know I cannot do but still try to: 1. Cartwheel 2. Hit the high note 3. Move things with my mind 4. Eat 'just one' 5. Be Cool
@OrvllShrednbchr: 10 years ago, as a joke, I told everyone I was giving up sex for Lent. Haven't gotten laid since. Well played, God.