@FredPollack: Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds.
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@TheToddWilliams: Dentist: How often do you floss? Dracula: Every day Dentist: Your gums are covered in blood. Dracula: Oh...I mean never. I never floss.
@RyanofAvalon: Friend: "Hey, want me to get out my didgeridoo so I can play for you?" I'd rather you didgerididn't.
@Ristolable: A girl on Facebook says it's officially too cold to go outside. Thank you for your official confirmation, Madison, I will remain indoors.