@Molly_Kats: Found my missing cardigan when my sister posted a FB pic of her wearing it.
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@ermahgarton: MURDERER: could a murderer do THIS? *defendant proceeds to not kill anyone* JUDGE: he's got a point
@lil_dead_girl_: I compulsively open my refrigerator in hopes that the portal to the other world has opened up. It hasn't so I had some cheese.
@Vodkantots: My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.