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@Weird_Rash: Free hugs*
* having me let go will cost $10
@funnybeachgirl: Energizing breakfast smoothie:
1. 2 cups chopped kale
2. 1 ripe banana
3. 1/8 tsp flax oil
4. 1/2 cup coconut water
5. 3 grams of cocaine
@TheDeadfishSays: The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
@Midgetspar: Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until Creepy Stan from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
@jane_bot: I'm more likely to wear a donut on my wrist than any fitness tracker.
@careworn: When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets.