@duplicitron: Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone.
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@sarcasticmommy4: My kids said they wanted to try something new this summer so I showed them how to vacuum & do laundry.
@MsCarlissima: My car starts to hydroplane. I let go & whisper, "Do it. Become the plane you've always dreamed of. I love you." *Soft kiss*
@kivtur: [How the rap feud started] Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party? 2pac: sure, no biggie Biggie[eavesdropping]: [wipes tears]
@i_love_fudge: Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there's a giant dog with a tiny woman in her purse.