@duplicitron: Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone.
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@yourpencilskirt: No I don't think you're stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
@jonnysun: hey sory i just saw this mesage u sent last month even tho all my notifications make sounds and my phone is in my hand even when im sleeping
@PJTLynch: "Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?" Wife: "Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?" "...Yes" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*