@RandiLawson: Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MomOfTeen: That was THE best 10 hours of sleep I've ever had. Thanks for asking me to sleep with you! Huh. You look upset.
@KKAlThani: *throws a grenade at Bruno Mars' girlfriend* *Bruno Mars appears out of nowhere and catches it* *it explodes and both of them die*
@SufficientCharm: The easiest way to confuse a man is to wear a straight jacket that accentuates your cleavage.
@theguydf: Me: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: I don't drink. Me: Then can I just give you $7.50 to talk with me for a few minutes?