@RandiLawson: Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now
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@sarcasticmommy4: One of the greatest gifts my kids have given me is my high tolerance for alcohol.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Take a day off. Pamper yourself. Visit a spa. Pour melted wax on ur body. Rip the hair out by the roots. Inject poison into ur face. Relax.
@primawesome: If the CIA has my house bugged they've heard several impromptu songs about my dog being a good boy.