@RandiLawson: Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now
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@TheBoydP: Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
@Reverend_Scott: I only drink Smart Water now. I think it's really helping my... my head thinking thingie.
@DanMentos: "Hi I'm looking for a birthday card for my mom's sister" *hands you an extremely small card* "WHAT IS THIS A CARD FOR AUNTS" Yes "Perfect"