@RandiLawson: Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now
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@tucker_doherty: Daylight Saving Time switches on November 6. That's right, this presidential campaign is an hour longer than you thought.
@TheCatWhisprer: A haunted house for introverts that is just random people popping out and asking questions.
@rickolantern: When you're on a diet everything smells like cookies. Except the guy beside me on the city bus. He smells like sardines Delicious sardines