@BigBBanter: Friend is going bungee jumping so I told him he was born because of a broken rubber and he could die the same way. He didn't laugh...
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@okaypup: I wish I was from Finland so when people asked if I was Finnish I could say "no, in fact, I'm just getting started"
@tastefactory: I log in and out of Facebook at the same speed a frightened kid runs down into the basement to grab something and runs back up.
@patrickoriley: It's weird to think there was a time when the most data a tablet could hold was five commandments.
@thenatewolf: *sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers