If bad ads/pop-ups are redirecting you, please take a screenshot and email it to [email protected]. Help us keep the site clean!
@letsleaveEarth: Friends are like balloons; if you stab them, they die.
@LuckoftheDraw86: So when is too soon to ask your friend if you can borrow their baby to reenact The Lion King? One day old? Two?
@Underchilde: I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t count their donuts before leaving a drive-thru.
@nextpotmodel_: i blame everything on the illuminati. stale bread? illuminati.
@carlyken: Reporter: so what is it like being in Maroon 5 when you're not Adam Levine, um Mr. Uh-
*quickly googles for his name but google has no idea*
@DaddyJew: "Daddy, how are babies made?"
"Well son, when a man and a woman have too much to drink.."