@letsleaveEarth: Friends are like balloons; if you stab them, they die.
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@2sassymom: Twitter is awesome. You can have a boyfriend right in your phone. Available at all times. Unless his wife's around.
@Eatingyourwords: cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape
@DurtMcHurtt: *attaches canes horizontally to dozens of old man walkers *watches slowest jousting match ever
@Sassafrantz: He'd probably stop sending me "good morning, beautiful" texts if he saw how many chins pop out when I look down to read it.